i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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