What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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