you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
