I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
