do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
