I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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