Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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