do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
