I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
