The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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