dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
you made out with another girl for some wings
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
