also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
