Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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