Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
