textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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