So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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