thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
