haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
