literally had 100 drinks last night.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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