I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
