We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
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