I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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