i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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