Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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