Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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