im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
