hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize