Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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