Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
