The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize