SEEEEXXX PLEASE
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
