At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
