Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
