Cold hands, warm shart.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
