hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
