So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm having to shit out rocks
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
