worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
