she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You are the jesus of drinking
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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