I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
