smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
