I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
