remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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