the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
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