I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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