Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
