Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize