why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
