im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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