Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
