holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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