He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
