me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
