Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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