it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
