cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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