Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
