I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
