Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
