happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
