I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
