Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
