theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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