I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
