The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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