so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
