Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
