just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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