i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize