it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
