I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
