What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
