areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
