What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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