i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
